Manage Expectations: Your child is learning a lot more then his/her class material in the first semester. He/She is adjusting to a new social and physical environment, new teachers, greater demands on his/her time and new assignments. Expect your child to be tired and at times irritable and stressed. Try to ensure he/she is getting proper sleep, nutrition and exercise. His/Her grades may suffer in this adjustment period. Help by lending an understanding ear, not setting expectations too high and coaching through stressful situations.
Stay Close: A certain amount of conflict and friction is normal and healthy in the teen years. Try not to feel rejected. Your teen still needs (and values) your guidance and support even if he/she is not showing it. Aim to spend a little one to one time with your teen weekly.
Get Involved: Encourage your child to get involved with extracurricular activities that build on their interests and strengths. Extracurricular activities help with self-esteem , confidence, social adjustment and look great on a resume. It helps for parents to stay involved with the school as well. As a parent, look for volunteer opportunities, parent nights and workshops for you at the school.
Stay informed: Parents shouldn't be afraid to ask teachers, Assistant Principals or Counsellors for a conference if they are concerned or have questions. Touching base early on with your child’s teacher or counsellor is a good idea. High school is the time when classes are important to future academic and career goals. Check School Zone regularly to ensure your child is on track. Attendance is a key to success.
Time management and organization: New demands on time including part time jobs, transportation and extracurricular activities means a demand for increased organizational skills. Day timers, good school supplies and downloadable apps can help. Many students need to learn to break down large assignments and studying into manageable timed tasks, and plan their weeks and months in advance. Parents can help by coaching students or getting help through the school counsellor, success coaches or tutors in the ACCESS room. Help your child prioritize tasks and set limits on number of hours worked at part time jobs.
Friends: The social shift from junior high to high school can be stressful and parents can help by making an effort to get to know new friends, asking where and with whom your child is going and encouraging positive peer groups. Although you may not like all of your child’s friends, it is important to invite them into your home, get to know their values and how they think.
Transitions are hard! The more love, support and encouragement you give your teenager in this time, the easier it will be in grade 11 and 12.
The following website resource list has been compiled by Jasper Place’s STAR Program and students in the Gay-Straight Alliance who reviewed the websites. The sites were chosen for their relevance to high school aged youth, as well as parents and friends of these youth.
Jasper Place is committed to maintaining a safe and caring environment for all students. Diversity is embraced and celebrated in our school community. Students who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered or questioning their sexual or gender identity are at a much higher risk of mental health issues and suicide. On that note, we hope that you have a chance to take a look at the websites, whether you are a student, a parent, or a friend,, and that you find the information valuable. Education is the key to helping ourselves and others. If you need further information or assistance, you may contact James Sochan or Nancy Metcalfe at Jasper Place.
OK To Be Me!
Being true to oneself in the face of prejudice, narrow societal expectations, as well as the potential for homophobic and transphobic bullying takes courage and support. OK@2bme tackles issues such as coming out and harassment, and gives parental advice on accepting and supporting children to be who they are:
“Being LGBTQ [lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender, queer] is not a medical condition. It is not a mental health concern. It simply reflects natural biological diversity-like eye colour”
Look under “resources” to find a huge folder of documents just for teachers and schools!
Pflagcanada’s motto is “ …There when it seems no one else is” Pflag has a national 24 hour support line, links to local support groups and resources, inspirational video blogs and a wealth of information.
The home page of this website does a great job of highlighting the injustices and challenges faced by gender and sexual minorities and would be a great conversation starter with students.
Imagine that the words that described a very precious and important part of yourself were used randomly to insult others or describe unpleasant events; this a daily reality for LGBTQ youth.
Nohomophobes tracks the language used on Twitter and “is designed as a social mirror to show the prevalence of casual homophobia in our society. Words and phrases like “f*ggot,” “dyke,” “no homo,” and “so gay” are used casually in everyday language, despite promoting the continued alienation, isolation and — in some tragic cases — suicide of sexual and gender minority (LGBTQ) youth.” Check it out!
Did you know that 2/3 LGBTQ students report feeling unsafe at school?(national survey, 2011)
Jasper Place Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) meeting: TBA
Follow on twitter @JP_GSA
Stigma and Mental Health
Let me give you a scenario.
I want you to pretend you are a manager at a big bank. Today, you are in charge of hiring one more bank teller to interact with your clientele on a day-to-day basis. You meet two candidates, Jacob and John. To your delight, you are impressed by both candidates. Because you can only hire one, you decide to call their references.
First, you speak with Jacob’s reference. You learn that Jacob is an excellent worker. He is kind, patient, and a pleasure to be around. When you ask about absenteeism, you learn that, besides that month he spent in the hospital for his surgery, he has never been absent.
Next, you speak with John’s reference. You learn that John is an excellent worker. He is kind, patient, and a pleasure to be around. When you ask about absenteeism, you learn that, besides the month he spent in the hospital on the psychiatric ward, he has never been absent.
Now tell me… who are you going to hire?
Mental health – the stigma surrounding it is undeniable. While there is certainly no shame associated with healing in the hospital from a physical wound, individuals suffering from a mental illness consistently experience stigma associated with their injury. While it is not uncommon to hear individuals discussing their high blood pressure or back pain or chronic sleep problem, hearing someone discuss their manic episode or panic attack or binge-purge behaviours is substantially less common.
In any year, 1 in 5 Canadians will have a mental health problem. Look around you… unless you are alone, there is a strong likelihood that someone sitting around you has, or knows someone who has, a mental health problem. Do you know who? I am willing to bet that you don’t. We, as a society, don’t advertise mental illness. In fact, not only do we not discuss it, many of us don’t even address it. The stigma associated with mental health results in many of us either denying our mental health needs or refusing to seek assistance for these needs.
Where does this stigma come from?
It is quite natural, as humans, to fear what we don’t know, what we don’t understand, or what we can’t see. I think it would be fair to say that, for most of us, our relationship with mental health would fall into all three categories.
What We Do Not Know
Have you seen that episode of The Simpsons where Ned has a nervous breakdown? Guess what… mental illness does not look like that. The primary source of information on mental health for many has been the media, and the media does not always portray mental illness accurately.
What We Do Not Understand
It is easy for us to understand that, when we fall, our bones will break. When we eat too much fat, our arteries will clog. The cause-effect relationship is quite evident. Mental health is not so linear. For some soldiers, returning home from time spent overseas is a relatively smooth transition; for others, they are plagued with intense psychological distress, recurring nightmares, and intrusive images. The cause-effect relationship in mental health is much less clear, making mental health much less easy to understand.
What We Do Not See
Watching a physical wound heal is reassuring; we know we are getting better because we have physical proof. Mental illness is less visible. Fearing mental illness is like fearing the dark – we fear what we cannot see.
There are many myths that play a role in perpetuating our fear. I want to try to dispel some of them.
MYTH 1: Mental illness is just “in their head”
NOPE! With today’s sophisticated brain imaging technology, doctors can actually identify the differences in the brains of individuals suffering from some mental illnesses. Similarly, other conditions are due to changes in the neurochemical balance of the brain.
MYTH 2: People suffering from mental illness are dangerous
NOPE! They are no more dangerous than the rest of the population. People with mental illness are more likely to harm themselves or be harmed by others than to hurt other people.
MYTH 3: If you are diagnosed with a mental illness, you will have to deal with it for the rest of your life
NOOOOOOO!! With the right treatment, people with mental illness get better, and some recover completely.
MYTH 4: Medications used to treat mental illness alter the personality of the suffer
ABSOLUTELY NOT! Medications work by balancing the imbalance of chemicals in the brain that are responsible for specific mental health symptoms.
MYTH 5: Mental illness is due to a weakness in character
NO WAY! Mental illnesses are the result of an interaction between biological, social, and psychological factors. The desire to seek help is a sign of personal strength and courage.
I hope that wee bit of info has helped to clear up some misconceptions you may have had regarding mental illness. I also hope that you realize the important role each of you plays in re-scripting societal beliefs surrounding mental health and mental illness.
I would like to share with you five small ways that each of you can make for those suffering from a mental illness, identified by the Canadian Mental Health Association.
Five small ways I can make a difference:
~Quote of the Month~
“From the viewpoint of absolute truth, what we feel and experience in our ordinary daily life is all delusion. Of all the various delusions, the sense of discrimination between oneself and others is the worst form, as it creates nothing but unpleasantness for both sides.”
- Dalai Lama
“Control That Anger Before It Controls You!”
Have you ever been driving down the road only to have someone cut you off at the very last second? Have you ever come home and noticed that your sibling was in your stuff… AGAIN. Have you ever tried to rationalize with your parents who just don’t, regardless of how many times you try to explain to them, seem to get it?!? You feel your face flush. Your heart starts beating faster and it is a safe bet that your blood pressure is increasing a few notches. Your breathing becomes fast… you may clench your fists… you feel ready to pounce.
Anger -- we all know it well (and some of us better than others). For some of us, it takes a lot to push us over the edge. For others, it happens all too easily. For some of us, we have developed techniques to calm ourselves down. For others, we usually end up in trouble due to this seemingly uncontrollable emotion. Lucky for the latter group, this does not have to be the case. Anger is a controllable emotion that, with the right techniques, does not have to be a negative experience.
Just a bit about our experience of anger… anger is, more often than not, what we in the psych biz like to refer to as a secondary emotion; that is, it is the result of another emotion. Think of the last time you were angry… what made you angry? Think about the event and the people involved. Consider your reaction and the intensity of your anger. Now, go beneath that… what else was going on for you? Chances are there was an underlying emotion driving that anger, such as fear, disappointment, jealousy, sadness, anxiety, loneliness… the list goes on. Remember the time you were angry when your significant other talked to a member of the opposite sex? I bet a bit of jealously may have been underlying that anger. Remember that time when you were angry that you got a failing grade on that test? I bet ya a bit of disappointment was underlying that anger. And how about the time your friend did not invite you to the party… you may have raged to her, but I would bet that underneath, you were really quite hurt.
So, if another emotion is driving our anger, what purpose does the anger serve? The answer is this: when we experience an emotion that threatens our ego (sense of self; who we are), we feel vulnerable. Rather than allowing ourselves to experience the pain and angst of that raw emotion, it is much easier to become angry. Anger allows us to feel in control and optimistic for change. When we become angry, we are motivated to do something, to make a change. Anger, then, can be viewed as a defense mechanism against other, more painful emotions. It is a shield we use to protect ourselves from feeling vulnerable.
Now on the surface, this appears to be a wonderful band-aid to our emotional wounds. Painful emotions manifest, and we slap a little anger on them to take away their power. However, much like a band-aid does not heal a wound, anger does not heal whatever primary emotion it is defending against. If you become enraged at your friend for not returning your call, the hurt you are feeling will still be present when the anger melts away. Failing to address the feeling underlying the anger increases the likelihood that the anger will reappear; prolonged states of anger are detrimental to both your physical and emotional well-being.
Another negative aspect of anger can be identified in our responses to this emotion. Anger itself is not negative; it is just a feeling and feelings are neutral. It is our responses to such feelings that can have negative effects on our lives. When that driver cut you off and you had to swerve to avoid colliding into his back bumper, it is not abnormal to feel enraged. But when you hang yourself out of the window yelling obscenities, thereby endangering your safety a second time… well you get the point.
I mentioned at the start of this entry that some people have developed ways to effectively deal with their anger… what does this mean? There are coping mechanisms that people can utilize to reduce the intensity of their emotions and allow then time to “cool down” before addressing the situation in a more effective manner. Below is a list for you to review. If you try one and it does not work, do not be discouraged! Anger is experienced differently from individual to individual and it is dealt with differently.
For more strategies, you can visit:
So… here is what I am hoping you take away from this…
Quote of the Day
Anger is a great force. If you control it, it can be transmuted into a power which can move the whole world.
The Necessity of Communication for Healthy Relationships
Love and Relationships
To love is universal; we all love someone, at some point in our lives. For many of us, our first experience of love begins in the home, from a parent or caregiver. For others, love may be realized from a role model or from a very close friend. Our early experiences of love give us the strength and support we need to develop into the individuals we are today. Our early experiences of love teach us that love is good – it is something we yearn for.
As we grow older, we learn that love can take on many forms. Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love provides us the basis for understanding love in light of this realization. According to Sternberg, love consists of three components: INTIMACY, PASSION, and COMMITMENT. The intimacy component refers to feelings of closeness and connectedness in your relationship with another. The passion component refers to the drives that lead to romance and physical attraction. Lastly, the commitment component refers to both the decision to love someone and the decision to maintain that love. Different relationships can consist of different quantities of each component. For example, the relationships we had with our parents as children likely contained a balance between intimacy and commitment, whereas the romantic relationships we form with our future spouses likely contains a balance between all three components.
While forming new relationships in the context of young adulthood, it goes without saying that we will experience roadblocks in our quest for love. While we grew up watching Prince Charming dedicate his life to wooing the Princess, we later realize that, in reality, this will not be our experience of love. While there will be moments of utter joy and pure bliss, there will also be times when you feel like firing your shoe across the room at your partner (but please refrain). Love is not always a fairytale. Love is hard work.
Conflict is inevitable in the context of a romantic relationship. Fortunately, we can develop skills that will aid in the resolution of such conflict. Time and time again, marriage therapists identify a primary source of conflict within the romantic relationship to be a deficit in successful communication between two partners. Sounds minor, doesn’t it? While communication skills sound very simplistic in nature, the next time you feel an overwhelming desire to throw a shoe at your partner, you may be surprised when you take a second to realize how many basic communication skills you failed to employ.
Communication Skills for a Healthy Relationship
Many studies have identified the correlation between successful communication and relationship satisfaction. I have compiled a list of important actions one must take to promote healthy communication within a relationship.
Quote of the Month:
Bad human communication leaves us less room to grow.
~Rowan D. Williams
Sternberg, R. & Weis, K. (2006). The new psychology of love. New York: Vail-Ballou Press.